Monday Train Journal #6

I know it’s tuesday, better late than never. 

This weekend I was in the technology dead zone for tmobile. For you iphone snobs, yes I still have tmobile. 

I heart Tmobile, not really. 

So the train journal is a little late, I haven’t been in the train. I am actually writing this from my bed at 5:18am Tuesday morning. 

I woke up to use the bathroom and have a swig of seltzer. This is my pre-wake up ritual. I think we all do something like this just before we get up in the morning. 

The seltzer I suspect is my stomachs’ acknowledgment of my return to my least favorite places in..LIFE. My job. 

Right, back to my thought: This weekend I was in one of the ‘whitest placiest in america’. Now I don’t say that to be racy or racist. It just was. 

Where was this magical location, well you might be thinking: there isn’t just one! 

I was in the Berkshires, still not quite sure how to say it with that air of contempt for everything dirty and poor. But that’s where I was was. Specifically on a college campus. 

Can’t say the name of the college because that would be unwise. But the place brought back every uncomfortable memory I have of being on my own undergraduate campus as a teen. 

It also brought up all my pleasant memories of summer camp and white people. Yes, I do have plesant memories of white folks outside of Arizona. 

I used to do a lot of summer camps while growing up, Thanks Mom. Usually the counselor where international students and white folks. We did crafts, hiked, fished, boated. 

It was a complete experience and this weekend while dipping my bare toes in the lake. I let go of all my Awkward black girl neurosis and ‘just was’. 

That’s what I love about white people, they Do. Not worry or don’t appear too. 

Now back to the being on a secluded residential, woodsy campus. Walking through groups or clusters of white folks and feeling invisible sometimes. 

Didn’t miss that, but it also reminded me just how adaptive I had to become in school and how the record is still playing in my life. 

It reminded me in all that difference, separation and isolation: I actually made it. Made some friends outside of my little ‘black’ group and still have some of these friendships. 

It reminded me that sometimes in life you are the minority, and there is one person that comes to mind who may deny this vehemently. I don’t mean minority in the less than sense, but the literal there is five of you in the moment and a 100 of them. 

Yes, it was just like that. 

But being the minority isn’t always bad and it teaches you about your yourself and I would tend to say a little character defining. 

Who you become from those experiences can define, break, or change your life. 

Hopefully a little of all three. To create you must destroy, to define you must tear down and to change your life all three have to happen. 

Happy not so Monday! 

 Note: Train journals is literally that, my morning thoughts before I start my day. The post maybe grammatically incorrect, and literally not make any sense but it’s a free-writing zone and the only time I don’t edit myself on this blog. The posts are to be taken… however it feels for you.  If you happen to derive some useful information, rock on!. 

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