At the end of the day people are: Horny or Lonely or Both

NOW that I have your complete attention, let me frame the discussion that ended with those words.

CONVERSATION: Why do people cheat?

How did this conversation begin? Well for starters I watched the movie UNFAITHFUL this weekend. If you have seen this movie, it’s more than enough for a conversation starter. If you haven’t seen the movie, watch it after dinner it’s pretty *fu**ed up*

SCENARIO

*Pinky (my friend, not a real name)  was out and about.

*Met some new people.

*Including some attractive people.

*Next logical conversation: the hypothetical cheating scenario.

I’ll clarify, because many of you know me somewhat personally and may also know that I’m not single in the FACEBOOK sense. But single according to the IRS.

The SCENARIO i.e., conversation 

________ is attractive!

Yes, he/she is.

If I wasn’t in a relationship, I would possibly consider X to the Y to Z.

All talk, nothing more.

There are three words that show up over and over again infidelity, cheating and affairs.

Cheating according to Wikipedia is an immoral way of achieving a goal or breaking an unwritten ethical agreement. For example: you agree to be monogamous with one or more persons and then break the agreement by going outside of your agreement within the relationship (2 ppl) or group relationship (2 or more).

Infidelity has a similar definition as cheating, but I think it has more of a religious/spiritual feel to it i.e., your going to hell or have bad karma. (If you believe that sorta stuff : )

Finally, Affairs sounds romantic or something.

Well, Affairs are defined as sexual relationship or romantic friendship or passionate attachment between two people, usually not sexual.  THESE ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS

We know that sex is a physical attachment, but emotional and mental attachment are deeper in my opinion.

You may disagree, I would encourage it!

Pinky and I discussed the variables that cause cheating and came up with four main catalysts (there are many others):

BOREDOM

TEMPTATION

SOMEONE CHEATED ON YOU

DISSATISFACTION

Also consider that men and women are hardwired differently.

According to the blogosphere men cheat based on opportunity and women cheat based on some inner feeling of dissatisfaction or self-esteem related.

You can argue that as well.

MY position: WE ARE ALIVE!

I have had the privilege to date a lot of Renaissance types. Open to your flirting and will not judge your for it. I’ve found sharing honestly about your attractions with your partner can be the saving grace. It also allows people to be HUMAN.

But as a precautionary measure you should develop various levels of boundaries to protect your relationship, I did and it saves you from a lot of confusion.

To the revolutionized women and men, that encourage flirting and other behavior within their relationships. Carpe Diem, I’m not judging.

Returning from my digression: WE ARE indeed ALIVE.

I’m not validating/justifying cheating, infidelity or affairs. I couldn’t, I’m not a judge or jury.

What I am saying:

Sometimes people look good.

Sometimes opportunity presents itself.

Sometimes people act.

I don’t believe, there is ever a  GREAT reason to explain why people step out.

My experience: If have you TRUE happiness; cheating, affairs and infidelity have a harder time of creeping into your relationship. Happiness is not a full proof preventive measure but it sure helps.

We should also consider our ego, which is intrinsically tied to our identity and self-worth.

Point blank it feels good to be desired.

Why? Because you’ve still  ‘GOT IT’!

You know what I mean, so don’t act pious and deny it 🙂 This desire can be dessert for the ego!

Or at the end of the day as stated earlier by Pinky :

People are Horny or Lonely or Both!

Chime in, what say you?

Ciao,

Sontaia

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4 responses to “At the end of the day people are: Horny or Lonely or Both

  1. Hmmm, well, I have so much to say, I don’t know where to begin. First of all, as I have shared before, we are human animals, and as civilized as we get we can not civilize our animal instinct, chemistry and attractions away. Period. We can acquire social graces, education, degrees of higher learning, etiquette whatever but when someone floats your boat, they float your boat. The feeling that arises is uncontrollable. HOWEVER, you can control your behavior…sometimes. And if you want to. And that is a big “IF”. I feel that most people, especially women (gay women), since that is my field of expertise…tee hee hee, fall into emotional affairs almost unknowingly, by accident. One moment they are cool, hanging out, kickin’ it with their, ‘girl’ (not sexual just friend!) the next moment they are caught up because that emotional fix has now created some other feelings to flutter. That is the time to pay attention. My advice, run! Once it gets to that point you are more than likely not making choices that take into consideration maintaining the friendship or your relationship if you have one. Feel what you feel, but run, run fast, run far, just run!
    E~

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