Hey Ladies, so the idea for this blog came to me in my sleep one night after talking with a friend.
She’s talking to this girl… and everything is going along pretty good. But all of the sudden there is are slight changes in her lady-friends behavior. They are so subtle that they make my friend begin to think, she could be typically over processing which women do initially in relationships. So you have a mental battle: you don’t want to be insecure-girl but you sense something.
Well proceed with caution, people never like to many questions in the beginning. Which is always ironic to me, because how else will you know? But we never follow our intuition and you should, always.
Which brings us to the question, “Am I a tool”?
My friend is a pretty practical/stable person and wouldn’t be crushed by the ‘change of heart’ if it didn’t work out, but wonders why the girl is holding on if she wants to keep it moving.
I told my friend, this is an unfortunate by-product of dating: emotional-schizophrenia, everything changes all the time. Told you, dating sucks..*laughing*
My friend can stick around and wait for the Monet to crumble (thanks Roger and Phillip) or perhaps the change is motivated by something less harmless and it will be ok *raised eye*! Warning: I’m not really into pointless optimism, when it comes to being a tool!
Enough about friend X and a little bit about the object of her affection…
So, her lovely-lady is categorized in my least favorite category of dater: the busy ‘one’! I tell people this over and over again, no one is that busy. You make time for what and who you want.
So, is she a tool?
This is her question. Her lady-friend, like I said is pretty good at hiding whatever ‘it’ is but my friend happens to be pretty perceptive as well. I will also say for the sake of knowledge that when dating, there are always periods of inconsistency with people. It happens for various reasons, someone wants to slow things down, they are unsure about how they feel, you might have done something to give them pause, they met someone else (the worst, if you discover its this take cover! “Second is not a number if no one remembers”, thanks Nelly).
My own personal advice, of course you have some women that are completely cool with being apart of a roster. You know what you can handle.
So, my friend is asking me, if it’s one of those things “why is she still keeping me around”? That’s simple, she probably likes you, but is ‘just not that into you’ ouch, i know. You could be funny, cute, and good in bed, but not enough to occupy her complete attention.
This is the point when you have to decide, what am I in this for?
Which brings us back to the question: What is the point or goal of dating for you?
If you are just beating off (thanks Antoine) and passing time, then whatever get some ass, don’t worry about, and get yourself some more special-friends *wink*
Of course this is not the case of my friend, she finds herself getting into this chick, which means ‘outwit, outplay, outlast’!
Yeah it’s like that, in dating and war, the one that wins is the one that lasts..usually.
Now if you are setting up for this type of battle, first prepare to lose (emotionally, because you might), and second ‘get yourself a spare’ (thanks Monique).
You can go down as the cool one, who knew when to fold’em’ without the drama or you can go down as the ‘ahhhh-girl’. Don’t be her for godsakes.
So yes, if you find yourself hauntingly relating to this post, then you are or were a TOOL! Happens to the best of us. Just in case you need actual examples here goes some tel-tale signs:
1. There is consistency in every type of relationship, new, casual, dating..whatever. Once consistency has ceased something has changed or someone made a decision to change. Unfortunately, women talk a lot of mess about communication, but follow through on ‘selective’ communication always, my personal favorite..NOT!
2. Your gut, in your gut if you feel something is different..it is!
3. Duty calls, these are calls that people are really not into and you know it. They are the worst.
4. Need I say more, those are the most powerful indicators..
So, again, my friend you are a tool..now what are you going to do about?!