The journey, the moment, the people and the living, not the end that matters

“We are born alone, We live alone, We die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment we are not alone.” ~ Orson Welles

Meditate on that for a moment. People are instantly turned off by the word death and alone. But from where you came, is how you return. There can be comfort in the knowledge that you are solely responsible for your journey on this earth.

There is also beauty in the fact that people add love, validity, weight to your life. The last is the most important, in my opinion – weight –

This weight turns goals into accomplishments, because through the eyes of a loved one we shine brighter. Their love, toward us, gives every day actions meaning.

There acknowledgement gives us grounding in a tense and constantly moving world.

Think of your love journey as an adventure, consider the people you meet and love on the way, as weights needed to balance and give clarity at different moments in your life. These weights/people change over time. You need less or more at given intervals, but it’s all apart of the journey.

In the end, the moments are what shapes our life, not the beginning, the end or how you leave this earth.

The journey, the moments, the people, the living and not the end that matter

What does this photo have in common with love? It’s one long race, and you will get tired. But will never quit!

Tug of war and mud wrestling is like dating Mr/Mrs. Unavailable

This is for all those who have met Mr/Mrs. Unavailable.

I generally think, when a person starts off the getting to know you process with “I’m really busy, blah, blah, blah“.

That’s probably not a good sign if you’re looking for a serious relationship.

My typical visceral reaction is, “then why the bleep  are you on a dating site, with “looking for a relationship” as your status.

Why the bleep did you ask for my number, why are you calling me, acting like you want something more, when all your capable of is “being

busy” and a “good” time.

Although these are your initial thoughts, like most you continue. Sometimes Mr/Mrs. Unavailable has commitment issues, heartbreak issues, ISSUES, ISSUES.

All things to be carefully considered before you drink the Koolade!

Mr/Mrs. Unavailable will operate with the disclaimer: I’m really busy and proceed to treat you like a side act, while waiting for the big show.

You should know this, and also let’s stop treating Mr/Mrs. Unavailable like an emotional pound puppy, that we must take home. Sometimes you have to leave that puppy in the rain and snow until she/he realizes what home means.

What should you do about Mr/Mrs. Unavailable?

Remove your goodies from his/her basket. Divest yourself from the courtship, severe that tingle of the like/love’ feeling.

If it’s the beginning it will not be too hard, just keep recounting the missed connections, calls, and dates.

If you are a few months to a year in…well, there will be trouble on the horizon.

Because Mr/Mrs. Unavailable soon turns into Mr/Mrs. Self-centered a** and Mr/Mrs. Charmy/Swarmy to keep convincing you, that the sick feeling in your stomach is worth the ride in the end.

The only thing I can say is reboot and revisit the much hated “needs” conversation and don’t take no for an answer. Talk about it!

If he/she means something to you.

Finally nothing is that simple, but if you’ve been with him/her for a while, then he/she might really be invested and voicing your concerns in a non-threating way, maybe the path to some much-needed re-negotiating of the relationship.

Good Luck & Ciao

P.k.

Tips for Heartbreak #1

Dealing with break-up and heartbreak can be borderline devastating. You feel like, your lost and have no idea how you ended up in the emotional pit. When you your left or walk away from love it can be isolating and make you feel quasi-insane. As a friend put it, “it’s like I never existed to X. That is exactly how it feels, and multiply it by a million with no definable end.

A few words to meditate on as you mend your broken heart, rebuild your trust, and begin your life after your love is lost.

“I know how it feels to be shutout and rendered irrelevant to someone who meant everything to you. You deserve to be happy and at this point continuing to love X isn’t making you happy, so try to envision yourself moving forward toward happiness and not looking back with regrets. It’s a waste of your heart and prolongs the pain exponentially.”

Smile often and know that everything has a foreseeable end, especially pain.

Ciao-

Dating Tips: Baited Breath, grasping sand, and watching paint dry…

Waiting with Baited Breath, watching paint dry and grasping sand. Frustrating, pointless and stupid. All random feelings associated with dating. Where am I going with this… Dating of course…the  do’s and dont’s.

Negotiating the difference between enthusiasm and investment. Maintaining a healthy level of excitement without being devastated, if it doesn’t work out.

Dating is like going to the gym, you look forward to the outcome so much that you fail to enjoy the process and everything in between. The product, i.e. getting a boyfriend, girlfriend, sex  is so important that when the results you sought don’t materialize you are crushed. Then you are left wondering, why it is you allowed yourself to become so invested?

Investment: is the key to the problem.

Being excited doesn’t mean being invested, especially when dating. You should look at dating as an at will contract. You may leave at will without notice and so can your date. There are no responsibilities or obligations, it would be nice if people were thoughtful or considerate and had discussions as to why your co-mingling was ending.

But the cold hard facts are they don’t owe you anything… at all.

We can’t allow ourselves to become invested in dates. That diminishes the concept of getting to know each other and the possibilities associated with the experience. Openness equals fluidity, flexibility and options. Because who knows you might be the one to opt-out after a few weeks.

Dating is not marriage and should not carry those expectations. Even marriage has an at-will clause attached to it, but we don’t know it until it’s exercised. So the point, Date, have fun, but don’t confuse your fantasy with reality and don’t attach. After all there really is no reason too: a date is just a date.

Ciao